Couples often experience a change in roles after one partner has experienced a spinal cord injury, this can be emotionally challenging. It is quite common to experience a sense of loss because of roles and activities that one might not be able to fulfil any longer. This is where effective communication is vital. Talking openly about fears and anxiety that you experience due to role changes can ease some of these emotional difficulties.
At times it is possible to do the things you used to do but finding new ways of doing it. In other situations it might be necessary to adopt new roles. If, for example, you were the person who usually initiated sexual activities, you might still be able to fulfil this role but you might have to be creative in doing it. You could discuss with your partner different ways of letting him/her know that you are interested sexually and if there is anything you’d like to do or try.
It is quite common for the partner of a person with a spinal cord injury to approach the subject of sex cautiously. It happens that the partner could be concerned about causing pain or discomfort. Again, communication is paramount as information like what you enjoy and what makes you uncomfortable assists your partner in understanding your needs. Due to the loss of sensation in certain areas of your body and increase sensation in other parts, erogenous zones change. This creates an opportunity to discover new ways of experiencing sexual pleasure together.
With a spinal cord injury, sexual experiences are different but that doesn’t mean that you’ve lost the ability to be sexual and experience intimacy. When it comes to sex, the physical side is often over-emphasized while the role of the brain is underestimated. The brain is the most important sex organ and a crucial component in meaningful sexual relationships.
Preparation, both physically and mentally, is just as important as the act of having sex. While this stage might take longer for someone with a spinal cord injury, it can be incorporated as part of the foreplay. As some examples, texting your partner throughout the day could stimulate the mental side while showering together could be a physical turn-on. The only limit is your own creativity.