When someone sustains a spinal cord injury, most information that is shared focuses on that person. However, for partners who become caregivers, fewer resources are available. Getting in touch with professionals who can provide support for partners is very helpful, after all, an injury impacts family and friends too. Aside from one-on-one professional support there are other things that you as a partner can also do to navigate the changes that a spinal cord injury brings to romantic relationships.
While it is recommended that the roles of caregiver and partner be fulfilled by two different people, the reality is that most spouses do become caregivers for their partners. This is especially true in rural communities. Do not become your partner’s caregiver first, be his or her partner first. Be mindful of the fact that many people can fill the role of caregiver but what you offer as his or her partner is unique. Making time for sex and intimacy should be a priority as it is easy to neglect the emotional side of a relationship when you’re focusing on caring for your partner.
As a partner to someone with a spinal cord injury, you will also require help from time to time. It helps to know who in your support system you can count on and get them involved as soon as possible. This way, if you require their assistance at some crucial point, they are not clueless. Having a life aside from your partner’s can also help you to recharge emotionally. You are more than your partner’s caregiver, and cannot be an effective caregiver unless you take care of yourself, too. It’s not selfish to indulge in self-care and put yourself first at times.
It is important to remember that you and your partner are in this together. It is inevitable that there will be times where one (or both) of you will feel frustrated and it is easy to take this out on each other. You may have to remind yourself at times that your fight isn’t with your partner, but that you are fighting together against barriers. You can expect that people will ask you a lot of questions. This can sometimes be out of ignorance, as an attempt to help or maybe just because they are curios. Regardless of the reason for the questions, when you expect it, it is easier to prepare responses and then minimising the frustration it sometimes brings.
You’ll need to adjust to your new life, new roles, and the presence of new people and professionals in your life. Peer supporters, physiotherapists, occupational therapists, doctors, nurses, psychologists and maybe even lawyers will become a part of your team in caring for you and your partner. They are there to help you so reach out to them when you feel the need to do so.
Finally, it can be immensely helpful to join a community of people whose experiences you can relate to. People who have been through similar experiences and emotions can help support you during this process. Whether it is in-person get-togethers or online forums where you can connect with people who are in a similar situation, there are many resources out there.