Sexuality at its core refers to a relationship between two people. This means that both parties bring something to the table. Focusing one side of the relationship can never give a full picture of the relationship but it is important to understand both sides to understand the relationship. When one of the two parties have suffered a spinal cord injury it can easily become the focal point (or the perceived obstacle) to having a fulfilling sexual relationship. The difficulty is finding the balance between not making the spinal cord injury more or less than it is.
The first danger is seeing a spinal cord injury as more than it is. There are many misconceptions about spinal cord injuries. These assumptions are often found in people who have never been affected by such injuries personally or through someone they know. People in wheelchairs are often met with sympathy and people feeling sorry for them. There is a belief that the person’s life is over and that the loss is so big that they will not be able to live fully in any aspect of their lives, including sexuality. This is also a common experience of people who suffered recent spinal cord injuries.
The second danger is seeing a spinal cord injury as less than it is. The main aim of rehabilitation is to move past the point of feeling hopeless to finding new ways of doing things that you were able to do before. Although this process instills hope it can also cause one to avoid the difficulties that continue after completion of rehabilitation.
When it comes to sex and sexuality, making a spinal cord injury more or less than it is could create unnecessary difficulties in relationships. If you haven’t dealt with this major change emotionally, you could get stuck feeling hopeless and not seek the necessary help. On the other hand, avoiding sex and intimacy altogether is denying yourself a fundamental human need. The balance between these two extremes comes through communication. Firstly, it is important to talk to a psychologist or sexologist to help you deal with your current situation on a physical level as well as on an emotional level. A professional will be able to explain various options to assist you in experiencing a fulfilling sexual relationship. Secondly, communication with your partner is vital. Working together to overcome the obstacles that come with spinal cord injuries is the most effective approach. Acknowledge the fact that a spinal cord injury bring new challenges and then take them head-on, together.