A large portion of spinal cord injuries occur in youth. As a result, many who have had such injuries, have not had children. Should a spinal cord injury stop you from having children?
Often after having experienced an injury or event which has altered previous levels of functionality, many people are concerned, as to whether they would be able to be parents. Firstly, on a biological level, this is generally very much possible. However, the bigger concern for many is, will they be able to meet the needs of their children.
When bridging this concern, I often reflect back on a famous concept in psychology. This being that of the “good enough parent”. This concept refers to the parent who is not perfect but provides sufficiently in all spheres required in parenting. This concept was developed as a defence for parents and families from an idealised image of the parent, or the family, which are too frequently developed or portrayed in both media and or academia.
In this regard I hope that this image gives a sense of relief and ease to parents and potential parents. While being differently able has required some adaptations so as to meaningfully engage with your world, so too will parenting. It is important to keep in mind that even if you were not differently abled, there would be challenges. While it is unlikely that you will be able to do everything perfectly it is important to realise that if you are able to do enough to offer a supportive and sable relationship, which offers a launch pad for your children to grow, explore and develop. You most likely would be considered the good enough parent.
As such meeting your children’s needs can occur through several means, looking at their physical, emotional, social and psychological needs. In these needs could be met in a variety of ways and those which may be more challenging physically could be augmented in ways which are more manageable and practical. So as to be a good enough parent for your child.
It is important to remember that each parenting relationship is different and unique. As such we shouldn’t get to caught up in aspiring to what we think or believe is the perfect picture of parenting but rather to place greater attention to the needs of our children and our unique way of meeting those needs. Focusing on what we can do, is often more constructive than focusing on that which we cannot.