For a new spinal cord injured patient, life is all about surviving the current crisis. As the initial trauma and storm of medical complications subside, the focus typically moves to living with the injury. This is what physical rehab and sexual rehab is all about – making the most of what you have left. After discharge, life can feel like moving from one crisis to the next as you incorporate life into your injury. The same often happens with sex and intimate relationships.
A common initial crisis is support in making life-changing decisions. As people with spinal cord injuries often feel left out of experiences, it is sometimes necessary to make life-changing decisions. Some examples of this could be ending a relationship that is unfulfilling or moving out of a parental home. These types of decisions are very overwhelming but often necessary.
A very common second crisis is the lack of intimacy and struggling to build new romantic relationships. Being isolated is dangerous to emotional well-being and has the tendency to snow-ball. When you are isolated for long periods of time, it is easy to stop pursuing relationships and become even more isolated. This cycle often leads to people with disabilities not experiencing intimacy and satisfying sexual needs.
The crisis of “will I ever be able to have sex again” often occurs quite early after being diagnosed with a spinal cord injury. There are two difficulties in this crisis. The first is that there is often no support available to guide patients during this stage through emotional support and relevant information. The second difficulty is that patients are often unaware of the availability of such services. In either case it often happens that people don’t receive the assistance that they need and are left to figure it out for themselves.
Everybody goes through crises in their lives and we all need some form of support in these times. Spinal cord injuries bring unique challenges and crises but also requires support like every other type of crisis. Finding support in the form of education and emotional support for sexual difficulties could mean the difference between having a sexually satisfying relationship and having some of our most important intimacy needs going unfulfilled. Seeking professional assistance for sexuality related crises should be on the top of the list for ourselves as well as the ones we care for.